The Worst Bicycle
(Outside a flat on Wilton Road. Hamish is holding a bicycle.)
Rosalie: How much?
Hamish: Twelve pounds. Delivery was free.
Rosalie: Twelve pounds.
Hamish: The next cheapest one was double, and it was green.
Rosalie: Okay. The back wheel's rounder than the front one.
Hamish: Is that bad?
Rosalie: It's not good. And there's one brake.
Hamish: There's one brake?
Rosalie: The front one. Which is the worse one to have on its own, by the way.
Hamish: Right.
Rosalie: The saddle's from a different bicycle.
Hamish: It's a bigger saddle. That's better, isn't it?
Rosalie: It's a child's saddle, Hamish. It's a smaller saddle.
(Rosalie turns the pedals. Something inside the bicycle makes a sound.)
Rosalie: What was that?
Hamish: It does that.
Rosalie: You shouldn't buy a bicycle from a photograph. The photograph was purple. This is grey.
Hamish: The purple came off.
Rosalie: I've seen a lot of bicycles. This is the worst one.
Hamish: Yes.
Rosalie: You should send it back.
Hamish: Rosalie, the station is two hundred metres away. Down a hill.
Rosalie: And coming back?
Hamish: I walk. It's a hill.
Rosalie: Then that's the best twelve pounds anyone's ever spent.