Biscuit Runs the House

I am Biscuit. I am a cat. This is my house, and these are my rules.

In the morning, I wake up the big humans. I sit on the bed. I sit on their faces. I want my breakfast, and I want it now. They give me milk. Good. That is the rule.

In the afternoon, I go to the garden. The garden is mine. The grass is mine. The tree is mine. A bird sits in the tree. The bird thinks the tree is his. The bird is wrong.

When the sun is warm, I sleep. I sleep on the chair. I sleep on the table. I sleep on the clean clothes. The humans say no. They do not understand. Everything soft is for sleeping, and everything in this house is mine.

In the evening, the humans sit on the sofa. They want to watch the television. I sit on the television. They cannot see. They are sad. I am happy.

I am Biscuit. I am a small cat. But this is a big job, and somebody has to do it.