How to Say No to Noah

Noah is having a party on Saturday. You don’t want to go. You also have to see Noah at work on Monday, so the problem isn’t how you feel. It’s what you say.

Don’t say, “I hate parties.” It’s honest, and it’s his party. Don’t say, “I don’t like your friends,” either. And don’t say nothing at all and hope he forgets. He won’t.

The polite pattern has three parts: thank, refuse, offer.

Thank him first. “Oh, that’s really nice of you.”

Then refuse, and use can’t, not don’t want. “I can’t make Saturday, sorry.” Keep it to one sentence. A long reason sounds like a false one, even when it’s true.

Then offer something small. “Are you free for lunch next week?” That last part does most of the work. It says no to Saturday and yes to Noah.

And if you dislike parties, and lunches, and Noah? Then stop after part two. “Sorry, I can’t” is a whole answer. People use it every day.

On Monday, Noah won’t remember your reason. He’ll remember that you answered him.